Forgiveness

I can't begin to explain what it's like to have someone you love but feel you've done wrong to come through from the other side after they have died to this life and tell you that they forgive you. Imagine the weight lifted off you? I still have trouble forgiving myself though. I was listening to an EVP voice recording from Josh from last month. I was upset with him and said "you don't know what it's like to be the one who is left behind" He said "My love stop that. I'm right here. I didn't leave you, you left me. I want to forgive you and I have. I hope you can forgive me too.

Another Thursday

I have been having a lot of pain lately. Horrible nerve pain from my damaged nerves from my back injury 4 years ago. At times the pain becomes excruciating. The pain affects my lower back my legs and feet too. I have weakness in my legs and nerve shocks and aching in my lower legs and feet. Josh told me yesterday that he's been very worried about me. It feels so good to know he's with me and comforting me when I'm in pain. Lately I just really haven't been feeling well at all.

Forgiveness

I had need forgiveness from Josh because our last conversation before he crossed was not a good one. He had texted me something very personal and painful to him and I reacted badly and was not supportive to him. The next day he was gone. I should have called him and been there for him but I wasn't. In one session recently, I was standing in the bathroom recording looking in the mirror and I asked him if he could ever forgive me. Later when I listened I heard him say that he was standing right there next to me. He said he had already forgiven me before he crossed. He said he hoped that I could see how beautiful I am to him and that he was going to stay with me forever. This was the best gift he could ever give me. Even if I never heard from him again I'm this way. I'd always know he was with me and that we will never be apart again. 💜

It's just amazing.

For years Josh and I had a private joke between us, we would always ask each other "have you seen any gorillas lately" We loved gorillas. Before he passed he asked me if is seen any gorillas lately I told him I haven't. That day over a month ago when I thought to turn on my Wavepad recorder in my bathroom and asked him "do you know anything about Gorillas" later when I listened I heard "my favorite gorilla that I love was shot" It's just so amazing. He later told me that he didn't realize Harambe had died and when he saw him there he couldn't understand why at first. I bought two stuffed gorillas and they arrived over the weekend. I asked if he saw my stuffed gorillas. He said" have you seen any real gorillas lately? I have." I mean this just blows me away to think about this fully. The long standing joke we had between us in this life is still going on between us even though he's crossed over and no longer in this world. How fucking mind blowing and amazing is that?

ATC

I want to post about ATC I  recently posted info about  ATransC.  I just found the following in another Facebook page, which I think is called Beyond the Scole Experiment: "The Norfolk Group has now started Sound Recording Experiments (SRE) for specific periods during sessions of The Norfolk Experiment. This video shows the simple set up using a computer and an audio recording programme; with captions explaining a little of what is taking place.
For those wanting to study the background to this field more closely, one of the best-known organisations researching in this field is 'ATransC' (Association TransCommunication) in the United States. This organisation is headed by Tom and Lisa Butler, whose work we referred to in the 2006 Edition of 'The Scole Experiment' book. Interest in the Butlers' research grew enormously after the release of the blockbuster Hollywood film, 'White Noise', on which they were advisers. If you'd like to find out more about their work, you could start here: http://atransc.org/meet_the_directors.htm."

Today

I heard a short message from Josh today telling me that he needs me to be brave for him. I am trying.

6 months

Today has been 6 months since Josh made his transition to the other side. When I asked him if he remembered his life here he said he remembers everything. Even through all the communication we have had this past 6 months and all that I've learned from him, I still find myself confused by it all. There's just so much I don't know. I guess being afraid and confused by what we don't know is natural. All I know is that I've been truly blessed to have had this experience. I sometimes find myself wishing he was still here on this earth, wish there were things I could do differently but then I realize the pain that he was in and that we have a better relationship now then we did before.

Don't cry tonight my baby

I was listening to Seals "don't cry tonight" I was sad and missing Josh. When I listened to the recording I heard him say the words to the song  "Don't cry tonight my baby, you'll always be loved" it really comforted me.