Evp and butterflies

I just can't wait to see what each day brings me from Josh. Everyday it's exciting and I feel so loved and special. I've waited a lifetime to feel like this. It's sad that he had to pass away for me to feel this way. Allison Dubois told me that now he's able to be a better friend and everything else to me now then he was able to when he was alive.

Yesterday I was asking him if he'd seen any gorillas in the afterlife and what does he know about gorillas that was just an inside joke we have had between us for years. Well anyway later in the day I asked him if he could show me in other ways that he's near when I'm in the house. I asked him to use anything he could in the house electric stuff, evp, moving things appearing to me ect. I was getting ready to go out a few hours after that and was in the bathroom brushing my hair and fixing my makeup I had my phone with me and just as a thought I turned on my recording app on my phone. I asked "Josh are you here?" "I asked what do you know about Gorillas?"  I recorded for a minute then stopped. It was silent in my bathroom. When I played it back I heard. "Gorilla love" "listen, my favorite gorilla was shot" He was telling me that Harambe is there in the afterlife because I had asked. Harambe was his favorite Gorilla. So that was his way of showing me he's in the house with me.

This morning when I woke up I asked for a butterfly and as soon as I was driving through my parking lot a butterfly flew by then came back around and flew all around my car. So awesome Josh seriously. You are amazing!

The mediums

In these past few months since Josh passed, or should I say transitioned. I have had sessions with 3 mediums. I've got 2 more coming up one in September for Josh and I birthday and one in October. My best reading was from Allison Dubois. All of them validated things only he and I could know. 2 of them  validated the same things. They were just amazing and I highly recommend using a medium but please make sure that they have good reviews and are well known. There is nothing like having the things you are experiencing being validated such as all of my butterfly visits from him.

I also began the medium ship certification course that James-Van-Praagh-School-of-Mystical-Arts offers. It's been helping me a lot to open up and better connect with spirit on my own.

Butterfly butterfly

This morning I asked again for a butterfly visit from Josh. Just a few minutes ago a beautiful swallowtail butterfly landed on my arm for a few seconds while I was walking toward my apartment. So very beautiful.

Tattoo

I decided to get a small Butterfly tattoo on Josh and I birthday. I have ten tattoos and already have a butterfly but this one will signify something special just between he and I. I hesitate to get a tattoo because I'm diabetic with nerve problems and don't heal well anymore but it's only going to be the size of a quarter so it should be OK. I'm going to get it on the front of my shoulder. I know he will be there with me when I get it :)

These little things

In this shadow box is a photo of Josh and I, the Raven feather he put in my path and a butterfly he brought to me. It stayed with me then passed away the next day.

Tuesday

Josh is so amazing I mean I love him so much how does he do it?? I asked to see a butterfly from him today saying hello. It's a daily thing that keeps me going, knowing he's near. He also always plays me Bob Marley songs the main one lately is "could you be love then be loved" So the cabbage white butterfly came flying from across the street right to my car and flew around my car while the song came on by Bob Marley "Could you be love, then be loved" It's so hard to explain how you "Just know" the sign is from him. I don't know how he does it but he does it! I love him for it. He knows how important it is for me to get a sign from him each day that he's near by.

Monday Blues

I asked for a butterfly and got one and that's the only one I've seen all day. The scent is fading on his tee shirt. Sometimes it hits me that he's not on this earth anymore and I panic. I became overwhelmed a while ago I cried out his name and he played songs on the car stereo to comfort me. They are songs he plays all the time when I need a message from him. He is Truly my best friend and I believe he's one of my guides now too. I miss picking up the phone and calling him and hearing his voice and having a chat. I miss his laugh, his jokes I miss everything. But he was suffering here, he was in pain such emotional pain and tormented. I know he would want me to go on and keep living my life for us both. Everyday I live I do it for him, so he can experience life through me.

Sunday night

I'm just so thrilled with how I'm opening up psychically I've been having some wonderful visits from Josh. Everyday I ask for a sign and everyday he gives me some. Yesterday and today I asked for a butterfly and he gave me so many. One even circled my car, I got out and it landed on me.  This morning the back bedroom was filled with the scent of roses. He sends me songs all the time and the lyrics always mean something special that he wants me to hear. All day on and off I keep smelling him, his scent that's on his tee shirt. Only I haven't smelled the tee shirt in days. I don't need to because when he's near he makes sure I smell his scent.

Sunday Sun day.

It's a beautiful sunny Sunday. I feel better than I did yesterday. This morning I had a visit from Josh in my dream. We were riding in my car and talking. Later I was doing my chores and the whole room smelled of roses. It was so beautiful. He made smell of roses. He also plays me songs all the time. Different ones, the lyrics of them are so perfect to what I know he'd be wanting to say to me.

So I'm going to backtrack to the time after that mourning cloak landed on my finger with its broken wing and I kissed it.

After that there was never any doubts that Josh was with me and the afterlife was a reality.

I began seeing butterflies everywhere of different varieties they would follow me, fly around me land on me. Hummingbirds would hover in front of my face and land on my finger. All I do is ask for a sign and I get one each and every day. Josh loves showing me he's near. I've come to depend on his signs. He is what gets me through my days. He helps to take away the loneliness. He brings my family through to me in dreams. My dad and grandparents. I believe he is one of my spirit guides now. I feel his love and protection so strong. The other day I found a Ravens feather in my path and I knew he left it for me.

Josh and I always had parakeets when we were together. So after he passed I felt as if he wanted me to get parakeets. One Sunday I was on my way to petco. I parked and got out of my car and asked him if he was sure that I should have parakeets. A mourning cloak butterfly came and flew around me and landed in my hair then flew off. I felt that was him saying yes. So I asked him to help me select the two he would like for us to have and I feel that he did. So I have buttercup and Calypso now. Two sweet parakeets.

Saturday

This morning I woke up crying because my pain is so bad. My body is so stiff and hurts to move. It's like the whole world comes pouring in all at once and it's like shard of glass and bombs exploding with an unbearable sadness, hopelessness. Mentally it's unbearable. Being an empathic really sucks. But I believe it's what's allowed me to have contact with Josh so I wouldn't give it up. I asked him to bring me butterflies today. As soon as I went outside I saw a beautiful Sulphur butterfly. Then I went to Starbucks and so many butterflies kept flying around the window that my chair was next to. I know it was Josh saying hello and showing his support and love. As I was in my car leaving Starbucks two butterflies landed on my car. I decided to start the paleo diet as I think it might help me have less pain.

Anyway, I'm trying to go over all the signs from Josh I've received from the beginning. The last time that mourning cloak butterfly came to me and landed on my finger it had a broken wing. I kissed it and it flew away. I knew I'd never see that butterfly again. I grieved for it.

In the weeks that followed I had 3 dream visitations from Josh. You know they are dream visits because they are different than regular dreams. They are vivid and short, you remember them clearly, every detail forever. You don't ever forget it. It's real to you as if it really happened because it did. Dream visits are one of the easiest ways for your passed loved ones to make contact with you.

Tonight

So let me pick up where I left off. There is much to say. There had been a butterfly hanging around my door and just outside of my apartment for a few days. I didn't think anything of it. Then I was coming up the walkway and the butterfly was there, flying all around me so close I could touch it. In that moment I just knew that Josh was using his energy to cause the butterfly to do this and then it landed on me. For the next few weeks this butterfly followed me around, would come flying up to me every time I went out my door and landed on me every day. In my hair, on my finger. It was magical. It saved my life and restored my sanity because I then knew without a doubt that there was an afterlife and that my Josh was there waiting for me and that he was still with me. So from that time on 3 months ago I've studied everything that I could get my hands on to learn more about the hereafter.

First contact

Josh had been gone about a month and I was not dealing with it well at all. I had requested the police and autopsy report and his death scene photos. I just needed to know exactly what had happened. I needed to know he didn't take his life. I thought maybe he did because he was very depressed leading up to it. He was posting strange things on his fb and seemed extremely out of it. The night before he passed we had texted. He confided something very personal and upsetting to him and I was not supportive at all. Then he was gone the next day. I was torn up thinking I may have been the catalyst for his sudden death. He died of an overdose of opiates. Just like Prince. It was fentanyl. Thinking that I'd never see him again to be able to tell him how sorry I was that I hadn't been more supportive just floored me. I could hardly breathe. It was the most pain I'd ever felt.

Today

It's so amazing. The way he shows me he's near everyday. Through songs, butterflies, hummingbirds feathers. I have so many astonishing things to relate here. I don't want to miss one so I've made this blog to write about them all. This morning I asked Josh to come say hello to me with a butterfly. It's a cloudy day with no butterflies in sight. I went to the store and in front of where I parked my car there was a cabbage white butterfly. I got out and it flew all around me and landed on my shoulder. This is just one of the many ways he shows me he's close to me daily. 2days ago I asked to see one butterfly and he played a song for me on the car stereo that means something special then showed me 5 butterflies all in the same place. You'll never understand what it's like and that it is really what it is until it happens to you. I'll start from the beginning, from the very first sign. I keep opening the box that Jason sent me and smelling Josh's scent. Every time I open the box it gets fainter. I don't want it to go away.

Just another one of those nights.

As I sit here, smelling Josh's scent left on the t shirt that his friend Jason sent me my heart is heavy. But then I remember that he's here with me still.

It all began when he died 3 months ago from a drug overdose. Wow it had hit me so hard. Just remembering the day I found out makes me cry and feel it all over again. I always thought I'd be the one to go before him. It was very unexpected for me even though I knew that he used drugs. I guess I felt that he knew what he was doing after all these years and had built up a tolerance. I was wrong. He died April 2nd. He was 43 years old.

Later today, it's just another one of those days..

I just received a box from Josh's best friend Jason, the one who found him when he overdosed. In it were 2 of Josh's paintings, one of his tee-shirts and 2 deer antlers from a deer he had hunted at one time and some kind of beautiful quartz crystal paperweight. His parents had donated his body to science and didn't even want his ashes back or any of his things. I guess I just don't understand that.

Josh and I met back in the early 90s he was 20 and I was 25  we fell in love immediately and if I had believed in it then I'd have known we had shared many lifetimes together. We were soul mates. We were married for 5 years. Then he developed schizophrenia and a bad drug Habit. I finally had no choice but to leave him so he could get help. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. We always kept in touch and never stopped loving each there. He was the one for me, the only one but life had other plans.

Just another one of those days

Every morning when I wake up I cry. I think I don't know if I can go on, if I can take another day. I am not just grieving I suffer horrible depression too. I want so badly to go to the other side, yet at times I become terrified that it won't be there. I couldn't handle that. If I had to go back to before Josh showed me that there was indeed an afterlife.

I suppose I should backtrack a bit and re visit what got me to this point.

A little over a year ago my dad died suddenly a few days before father's day. He was taking a shower and fell. He drowned. No one found him for four days. My heart and my life shattered along with my mind. The guilt and pain I felt over not being there, over not having called him before fathers day.

I didn't believe in any afterlife even though people told me to look for signs from him. I just didn't believe.

I thought he was gone and I'd never see him again. It was agony. One day a few weeks later my car stereo turned on by itself and began playing one of my dad's favorite Elton John songs. I wanted to believe it was him, but I just couldn't.

A few days after that a bird landed suddenly on my side view mirror and sat looking at me for a few seconds before flying off. Again I wanted to believe that this was my dad. It just wouldn't stick. I believed in science. I believed when the body died then that was it.

First entry

I'm starting this blog to talk about the afterlife. But more importantly than that, I'm starting it to talk about the signs I've received from my passed on loved ones in the afterlife and how I have gone from being an atheist, not believing in anything after death to receiving contact from the other side almost daily. How I've been wading through my grief, trying to make sense of it all. So please feel free to follow me as I relate my journey from this past year.