Saturday

This morning I woke up crying because my pain is so bad. My body is so stiff and hurts to move. It's like the whole world comes pouring in all at once and it's like shard of glass and bombs exploding with an unbearable sadness, hopelessness. Mentally it's unbearable. Being an empathic really sucks. But I believe it's what's allowed me to have contact with Josh so I wouldn't give it up. I asked him to bring me butterflies today. As soon as I went outside I saw a beautiful Sulphur butterfly. Then I went to Starbucks and so many butterflies kept flying around the window that my chair was next to. I know it was Josh saying hello and showing his support and love. As I was in my car leaving Starbucks two butterflies landed on my car. I decided to start the paleo diet as I think it might help me have less pain.

Anyway, I'm trying to go over all the signs from Josh I've received from the beginning. The last time that mourning cloak butterfly came to me and landed on my finger it had a broken wing. I kissed it and it flew away. I knew I'd never see that butterfly again. I grieved for it.

In the weeks that followed I had 3 dream visitations from Josh. You know they are dream visits because they are different than regular dreams. They are vivid and short, you remember them clearly, every detail forever. You don't ever forget it. It's real to you as if it really happened because it did. Dream visits are one of the easiest ways for your passed loved ones to make contact with you.